The Olympic Village would be replaced with the Olympic Trailer Park.

The opening Ceremony would be a Skynyrd tape and a trunk full of bottle rockets.

Doves released during opening ceremonies would be promptly shot by the crowd and sold as concession snacks.

The big event would be the 100m Cousinchase.

Another big event would be moonshine making.

The decathlon would be cancelled because no one would know what it meant.

Instead of shooting at boring targets, archers would shoot at muskrats and ATF agents.

You re-use dental floss to save money.

You've ever drunk mouthwash just because you're too lazy to walk down to the liquor store.

Your homecoming basketball game was rained out.

Your baseball bat "ain't never been used on a ball, but it's sure hit plenty of other things."

Your kids learned to shoot before they learned to walk.

You place a classified asking less than $1.

You think the freeway is the back door of the movie theater.

Higher math means counting over 10.

The lake has to be restocked after you take a bath.

During a recent hot spell in Atlanta a hillbilly collapsed on the street. Immediately a croud gathered and began offering suggestions.

"Give the poor man a drink of whiskey," a little old lady said.

"Give him some air," a man cried out.

"Give him some whiskey," she cried again.

Several other suggestions were made and the victim suddenly sat up and hollered, "Will all of you shut up and listen to the little old lady?"

A young ventriloquist is touring the South and stops to entertain in an Arkansas bar. He's going through his usual stupid redneck jokes, when a big burly guy in the audience stands up and says threateningly, "I've heard just about enough of your smart mouth hillbilly jokes - we ain't all stupid here in Arkansas!"

Flustered, the ventriloquist begins to apologize, when the big guy interrupts him and says, "You stay out of this mister-- I'm talking to the smart mouth little fella on your knee!"

At the police station, Bubba explained to the police officer why his cousins shot him.

"Well," Bubba began, "We wuz havin' a good time drinking, when my cousin Ray picked up his shotgun and said, 'Hey, der ya fellows wanna go hunting?'"

"And then what happened?" the officer interrupted.

"From what I remember," Bubba said, "I stood up and said, 'Sure, I'm game.'"

A redneck farmer walked into an attorney's office wanting to file for a divorce. The attorney asked, "May I help you?"

The farmer said, "Yea, I want to get one of those dayvorces."

The attorney said, "Well do you have any grounds?"

The farmer said, "Yea, I got about 140 acres." The attorney said, "No, you don't understand, do you have a case?"

The farmer said, "No, I don't have a Case, but I have a John Deere."

The attorney said, "No you don't understand, I mean do you have a grudge?"

The farmer said, "Yea I got a grudge, that's where I park my John Deere."

The attorney said, "No sir, I mean do you have a suit?"

The farmer said, "Yes sir, I got a suit. I wear it to church on Sundays."

The exasperated attorney said, "Well sir, does your wife beat you up or anything?"

The farmer said, "No sir, we both get up about 4:30."

Finally, the attorney says, "Okay, let me put it this way. WHY DO YOU WANT A DIVORCE?"

And the farmer says, "Well, I can never have a meaningful conversation with her."