The Halloween pumpkin on your front porch has more teeth than your spouse.

You let your twelve-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids.

You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.

Anyone in your family ever died right after saying, "Hey, watch this!"

You've got more than one brother named, "Darryl."

Your Junior/Senior Prom had a day care.

You think the last words to The Star Spangled Banner are, "Gentlemen, start your engines."

You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off its wheels.

You have flowers planted in a bathroom fixture in your front yard.

Ya can't get married to yer sweetheart 'cause there's a law against it.

You think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.

Your toilet paper has page numbers on it.